The Small Family   

First of all, happy Valentine’s day to you all! And before I forget to mention it, I’ve posted a short new Theo video on the Videos page--scroll down to The Dog Treat Tantrum, and you’ll see it. Theo got rather upset when he wanted to give Luna a treat. It was a very minor tantrum, but actually rather funny. I caught it on video because I thought it was so cute that he wanted to share a treat with Luna that I decided to take video of it. Lo and behold, I got an amusing mini-tantrum instead. :-)

We had a great Valentine’s weekend around here. Grandma Diane was nice enough to babysit Saturday evening so Chris and I could go out to a grown-up dinner on our own. Chris picked the restaurant and surprised me with Suede Blue--the same delicious restaurant we went to on my birthday! It was equally delicious this time, though I should’ve gotten the oyster appetizer, since the salad I got instead gave me the worst allergy attack I’ve had in a long time. My nose was itching so badly that I had to get up in the middle of the meal and go to the bathroom to scratch it crazily in peace. I have no idea what in the salad set off my allergies, but something.… Anyway, other than the allergy attack, the dinner was excellent! I had their version of chicken cordon bleu, and Chris had the same thing he ordered last time: a chicken dish with artichoke hearts and pancetta. For dessert, we split chocolate bread pudding…yum! We even had enough leftovers to bring  home for Sunday’s dinner.

Earlier in the day on Saturday, we took Theo to the zoo. It was a gorgeous weekend, so we couldn’t resist getting out and enjoying it. The zoo was semi-crowded, but not bad. Theo spent a great deal of time, once again, throwing leaves in the garbage and recycling bins. Clearly the zoo needs to work on cleaning up their leaves, at least in Theo’s mind! He also very much enjoyed seeing the “fraffs” (giraffes) and talked about them all the way home.

Sunday morning I went out to breakfast with Jeanette while Theo stayed home with Chris…sort of. I was a dummy and forgot to bring Jeanette’s birthday presents with me, so Theo and Chris came and bailed me out after a bit! Jeanette and I had a good breakfast at Panera Bread and then did a bit of shopping at TJ Maxx. Amazing how much more relaxing shopping can be without an antsy toddler in tow! Later that day, after Theo’s nap, the three of us (Theo, Chris, and I) went to a nearby park for some playtime and to enjoy the beautiful weather. What a great way to wrap up the weekend!

Probably my biggest excitement of the week was Friday night’s Snowflake Art Show, in which I entered two photographs. The competition was stiff this year, so although I won second place in the adult photography category last year, I didn’t expect to win anything this year. So I was quite surprised to hear my name announced as the third-place winner in adult photography! It was for a picture of a hand in prayer at the Sikh Festival. I’ll post it in this week’s album, in case any of you are curious.

Another fun event of the week was Thursday night’s dinner and movie with Amber, Kim, and Janeane. As I mentioned in last week’s blog, I wanted to see A Single Man, so Kim, Amber, and I went on Thursday evening. (Janeane had a tax appointment but was able to join us for dinner after the movie.) I don’t think Kim was a fan of the movie, and Amber is on the fence. I think I actually liked it, though it’s hard to say. It definitely wasn’t an uplifting movie, and it was indeed long and rather ponderous. But it is sticking with me days later, and that’s usually a sign of a good movie. Colin Firth was indeed quite good in his role, and although it was a somewhat tedious film, I actually found myself really affected by a major part of the plot: that the main character (George, played by Colin Firth) was unable to grieve the death of his longtime companion because their relationship was not considered acceptable in the early 1960s. He had to suffer privately, and I just found that heartbreaking. I can’t imagine losing someone you love dearly and then having to pretend nothing has happened. So, it wasn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen, but I did think the subtlety with which the plot was handled was well done and very moving.

After the movie, we headed over to a Mexican restaurant in Folsom to meet up with Janeane for dinner, and that was a lot of fun. So much fun, in fact, that we’ve decided this needs to be a monthly event. All of us can use a night out once a month to look forward to, so we’re making it a ritual. Next month I think we’re going to see Shutter Island and go to dinner, and we’ll see whether a few other of our friends want to join in the fun. Heck, who can’t use a night out for a movie and some good conversation, food, and drink?!

Because this is a rather short post, I’m going to take a moment to muse about something that’s been on my mind…parenting. As first-time parents, Chris and I are always in learning mode--what works best for us and for Theo? And like all new parents, we really never know until we try something out for a while. We read up on parenting strategies and talk to friends with kids, and then we put together a plan and try it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I’ve noticed a wonderful development in Theo that I’m extremely happy with, as is Chris. That is, he has begun to trust us…I mean, really trust us.

Let me explain… Theo has always had a rather feisty temperament, right from Day 1. (As I held him moments after he was born, I remember one of the first things I said to him was, “You look suspicious. I might look suspicious, too, if I were you.” After all, he’d just been through a very long, arduous labor!) If he couldn’t latch on right while nursing, he would shriek like the devil and flail and thrash. If his bottle got clogged and we would take it for a second to clear the nipple, he would scream bloody murder. As he got a little older, if we would take away his snack cup to refill it, he’d howl as if we’d just harmed his best friend or something. If we’d walk past the play area in the mall and not take him, he would scream and cry no matter how much we would try to simply explain, “We’re going to the other play area. This one is too crowded!” (And indeed, we always followed through.) If we didn’t go into his room the minute he woke up, he’d immediately start shrieking in anger. All of this is natural, I know…but compared to a lot of my friends’ kids, I noticed that Theo would react quite strongly to these things. No minor fussing from this kid--it was full-on screaming the minute he thought we were doing something he didn’t like. And suddenly, over the last two months or so, we’ve noticed that he is now trusting that we have his best interests at heart. We can take his snack cup away to refill it, and he’s comfortable in the knowledge that we’ll give it back. He wakes up in his crib and now talks to his animals for sometimes up to 15 minutes before announcing, “Mama? All done!” If we walk past one play area, he’ll point to it, but if we say, “Let’s go to the other one,” he settles back and waits to be taken to the other one. If we’re out somewhere and need to take him away from something fun, we can explain, “We’re going somewhere else fun!” and he believes us and doesn’t scream. It’s heavenly…and really nice to see that he trusts us.

Although some of this is probably the result of natural maturation, it also makes us glad we chose the parenting methods we did. We chose to attend to his needs/wants more than some schools of parenting would suggest--rather than leaving him screaming in his crib, for example, we would go in and talk to him after a short time. That isn’t necessarily to say that we stayed in there with him until he went to sleep, but we also didn’t leave him alone to scream for half an hour straight. If he wanted a snack, we didn’t enforce a “mealtime is at X hour” policy--he could have a snack if he asked for one politely. We made it a point to usually try to find something that would interest him if we were going out…even if it was just 10 minutes spent at the bookstore in the children’s section. It’s simple things, but basically, we have spent 22 months trying to give him the confidence that we’re there for him when he needs us, and I think that has paid off in a way that we are both really happy with.

Don’t get me wrong--I’m not saying he’s a perfect angel who never tests us! Far from it… Tantrums are a daily occurrence, as with all toddlers. We’re still working on the “no hitting” policy. Boundaries are tested all day, every day. But overall, our little boy realizes that we care about his needs, and he trusts us now. And that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

How will this pay off in five or ten years? Who knows… We may look back and say, “Ugh, we should’ve done X and Y differently.” Hindsight is always 20/20. But right now, we’re really pleased with how things are going. It’s just really nice to get some payoff, since parenting is truly hard work! Rewarding and wonderful, for sure, but also hard work, without a doubt!

Speaking of hard work, here’s a slightly amusing tale from this week. As some of you probably know, Chris and I make it a point to try to feed Theo as much fresh food as possible, staying away from packaged, processed foods where possible. We’re not militant about it, and we certainly make exceptions, but where we can, we like to make sure he eats food that we’ve prepared, rather than something loaded with additives and preservatives. So lately, Theo has been a fan of chicken nuggets. We get him a healthy organic variety at the grocery store, but still…as with any prepared food, there are a fair number of extra ingredients involved. (Not to mention they’re rather pricey.) So I got the great idea to make my own chicken nuggets, which we could then freeze in batches for Theo’s meals. Sigh…such a great idea. And they turned out delicious--if you listen to Chris or me. If you listen to Theo, they’re ghastly. He much prefers to packaged ones that we get him at Whole Foods. Isn’t that always the way? You could make your own relatively healthy hamburger at home…but doesn’t it taste oh-so-much better if you go to a good restaurant and get one with all sorts of less-healthy additions? I guess Theo is just like the rest of us—the less healthy version is the tastier one to him! Ah well, Chris and I will eat the chicken nuggets I made, I’m sure. They were actually quite good, if I do say so myself.   

On that note, hope you all have a wonderful third week of February! Chris and I will be working like crazy and hoping that the following weekend (the 26th-ish) the weather will be good in Southern California so we can take Theo for his first visit to the Mouse. Until then, I have four books going to the printer, so that will surely keep me busy.

Again, Happy Valentine’s Day to all!