The Small Family   

Our first week back from vacation has been both trying and wonderful. Because I like to end with good stuff, let’s start with the trying events. Theo was a little angel on our trip, for which we are very grateful! However, it seems he saved up his crankiness for back home, as he was a bit of a beast for the latter part of the week. Lots of testing boundaries, lots of whining and fussing, and lots of hitting and spitting. Ugh, it’s been rather exhausting. Our theories as to why he’s suddenly back to acting out negative behaviors? First, the arrival of Tooth #12. Yahoo for Theo and his ever-expanding set of teeth! Second, I think he’s rather bored at home. On vacation, there was always something to see and do, and at home, it’s the same old routine. Even though I got him out several times (to the park, to Grandma Diane’s house, to visit Janeane and her family, etc.), I think he’s still just rather bored...and thus engaging in very normal toddler behavior of tantrums and hitting. But, no matter how normal this is, we’re still not okay with him hitting, obviously. First it was just us, but he whacked Joyce on vacation (because she had the audacity to put up a baby gate so he wouldn’t climb the stairs). So what’s next—the dog? Worse yet, another kid? Obviously, this is something we need to nip in the bud. We don’t want Theo, our generally sweet and loving boy, to become accustomed to hitting.

So, that brings us to the new addition to our bedroom—a Pack and Play and a small timer for timeouts. The good folks at Delta Airlines ruined our Pack and Play (which wasn’t a huge deal, really—it was pretty beat up anyway), so I picked up a replacement at one of our local consignment stores. And Theo has since earned himself three timeouts in it...and it seems to be serving the purpose. And I have to say, these first three timeouts have been successful in that Theo has calmed down by the end of the sixty seconds he is in the Pack and Play, and we’re working with him on saying “Sorry,” too (in sign language and verbally—not sure whether he can verbalize the sounds for that word yet, but I think he’ll be able to make the sign). It remains to be seen whether this will be a workable long-term solution to the issue of hitting, but it’s certainly worth a try.

On our trip, I had a chance to read The Happiest Toddler on the Block, which Chris had read and liked, so we drew our timeout strategies from that book and from the advice of many of our friends who have slightly older toddlers than Theo. Most of my friends have reported reasonable success with timeouts, so I’ve got my fingers crossed that we will find the same thing.

That book has been a godsend for at least one thing: calming tantrums quickly! I have to admit that I underestimated our son. Dr. Karp (author of the book) suggests that the main cause of a toddler tantrum is the toddler’s frustration in feeling that adults don’t understand why they’re upset. So, he suggests that, using short, simple phrases a toddler can understand and mirroring their emotion, you repeat to your toddler why you think they’re frustrated. (He reasons that you certainly don’t like it if you’re mad about something and someone just brushes you off and says, “It’s okay—hey, how about we go shopping?!” or something like that; you want the listener to sympathize with why you’re frustrated. So, he says, why would your toddler like to be treated in that way?) And I thought, “Hmmm. I don’t really think Theo’s at a level to understand that yet. He certainly doesn’t calm down when I say something like, ‘It’s okay; we’ll come back to the park later.’” But, because almost anything is worth trying at least once, Chris and I figured we’d give it a try. And I’ll be darned if it doesn’t work! I started trying it in the airport on our flight home, and I’ve been doing it all week, and about 90% of the time, Theo immediately calms down! He actually gets a look on his face like, “Hey, she’s listening to me!” and then he listens to what I have to say. Which is beautiful, because it stops the whining or screaming. Here’s the catch, though: Dr. Karp suggests several strategies for moving on to other activities or distracting your toddler after you’ve acknowledged why he/she is upset. Well, that’s the part that falls short with Theo. He has too good of a memory for what he wants. So yes, he calms down immediately and listens to me...and will allow himself to be distracted for a minute or two. But then he remembers what he was irritated about, and he decides he ought to let us know again how mad he is. Ahhh, persistence will serve that boy well in the future, I’m sure. He’s got plenty of it!

But let’s move on to the fun and exciting parts of the week, of which there were many. I think our first real outing this week was to go over to the Wyatt house and meet Janeane and Jason’s new little bundle of joy, Jamie, and play with his big sister, Emma. What a little cutie Jamie is! My pictures of him are a bit fuzzy because I didn’t want to use a flash in the little guy’s face. But you can see what a cutie he is, anyway. Emma, alas, wasn’t in the mood to have her picture taken much, so I didn’t get many of her. But Theo certainly enjoyed playing with her toys while I visited with Jason and Janeane, too.

The weather here was cooling down for a bit (it’s supposed to be back up over 100 this week—ugh!), so Theo and I were able to go to the park Thursday morning. Normally he plays for 15 or 20 minutes and then is ready to move on, but on this particular day, he met a lovely young lady named Hailey, age 12 months. They were so cute together. Theo was talking a bit to Hailey and kept pointing at things for her, and she kept adoringly touching his shoes. And at one point, she engulfed him in a huge bear hug, which was interesting—Theo has never been much for hugs, although recently he will put up with them if he is the one who initiates them. So when Hailey hugged him from behind, he froze, and I thought a loud shriek might emerge. But no—he just stood stock-still until Hailey’s dad finally managed to pry his adoring daughter off Theo’s back. It was really cute, actually...I think she had a bit of a crush. ;-)

The other beauty of the trip to the park was that Theo was exhausted afterward, and he took an unprecedented THREE-HOUR nap! (I only had to go in once to get him back down to sleep—he woke up at his usual 45-minute mark, but instead of waking up for good at 90 minutes, he slept for another 2+ hours.) Wow, I got so much work done! If he’d nap that well even twice a week, I’d get SO much done! I guess flirting with cute one-year-olds is exhausting work....

After the mega-nap, Theo and I headed to Babies ‘R Us to buy a very exciting item—his first potty! And that’s where the blog title for this week comes in. We got a potty for downstairs and one for upstairs, with the idea that we just wanted Theo to be able to get used to them. I’m under no illusion that he will be fully potty trained at 18 months, given that up until now, he has exclusively used diapers. (I have some friends who have used elimination communication, and their children were fully potty trained by 12 and 18 months, respectively, but we haven’t practiced elimination communication, so I know the potty-training process will be much slower.) But I just wanted him to be able to sit on the potty when he showed interest and perhaps take the early steps toward learning. (He already knows the sign for “change diaper,” and occasionally he will do it when he has pooped.) I figured that way, it’d be much less of a shock than just coming home a year from now with a potty and saying, “You’re not going to use diapers anymore—it’s time to start potty-training now!” Sort of ease him into it, you know? Anyway, Theo showed great interest in the potty when I set it down in the kitchen when we got home, so I figured, “What the heck? Let’s give it a try.” I let him sit on it first fully clothed, then took off his diaper and put him back on it. He sat for a while and talked to me, and suddenly he peed. SUCCESS!! I was so excited; I helped him up and praised him and all that—and then looked down in the potty and saw a lovely poop! (Ha ha, sorry if this is too much information for anyone!) I was amazed, because almost everyone I know has said that getting a child to poop in a potty is infinitely more challenging than getting a child to pee in one. And my boy did it on the first try! I was so pleased that I cried a little. :-)

Yes, yes, I know this is a tiny thing—potty training takes much, much more and is a long process. But hey, it’s a tremendous first effort, so we are absolutely thrilled! The next two times I tried to sit Theo on the potty, he wanted nothing to do with it. Okay, fine, no problem...I decided to let him ignore it. Then Friday, he kept babbling and pointing to it at one point, and I just kept saying, “Yep, that’s your potty, sweetie! Peepee and poopoo go in there!” Stupid me...he actually pooped his diaper right about that time, and I now realize that he *might* have been trying to tell me he had something to go in the potty. Ah well, next time I’ll be smarter. He did sit on the potty again Sunday afternoon, although he didn’t do anything. But he sat happily on it for five minutes, so I was happy. Yay for my boy!

Speaking of “yay,” and on a somewhat related subject, I almost named this week’s blog “Yesh man,” in honor of one of Theo’s new words for the week—“yesh!” That, if you haven’t already guessed, is “yes,” and he actually has been saying it at appropriate times. He also came out with “Yum!” when pointing to his cup of water today. And, he has been signing “please” now, which delights us. Chris actually taught him that sign, and Theo picked it up right away. If he gets demanding about something, we can say, “Can you say please?” and he’ll sign “please” to us. But, even better, at the zoo yesterday, he wanted to be put down, and when I didn’t comply right away, he said, “Peazhe!” So yeah, I gave in and put the monkey down, as requested. Couldn’t resist when he actually said “please” without any prompting!

The zoo trip was a fun diversion for Grandma Diane’s birthday, which was Saturday! My Mom is always up for a pretty drive, so we took her to Napa for lunch. There was a book sale we wanted to visit in the morning, and we took her to the Oxbow Public Market for lunch afterward—Peruvian food and delicious cupcakes for dessert! After lunch, we all decided that we weren’t far from San Francisco, so why not go there for a bit? Thus, we headed to the zoo. Theo was fond of the rabbits, guinea pigs, and a peacock, but his favorite animals of the day seemed to be the emperor tamarins, which have adorable long white handlebar moustaches. So cute! I was rather partial to the baby siamang (another primate) who was playing like a crazy monkey in the siamang enclosure. In fact, I nicknamed him “Theo” because he had so much energy! Although Theo started out the day being a crab apple, he cheered up after we got to SF, so all in all I think we had a very nice day for Grandma Diane’s birthday.

Sunday we stuck close to home for the most part. We ventured around the corner to look at a house in our complex that is up for auction—starting bid $25,000. OUCH! We paid 13 times that amount for our house—and this one is 200 square feet larger! But we actually felt good after seeing the house—it was rather trashed, and the layout actually made it seem the same size as ours. And it was on a tiny lot with virtually no yard. So, even though the price is painfully low (though I’m sure the final sales price will be closer to $200K or so) compared to what we paid, we both agreed that we like our house and lot much, much better. Always good to feel good about what you have, isn’t it?!

We did also go to the consignment store, just for something to do on a lazy Sunday. And what do you know—we found Theo’s very first tricycle! It’s a little red Radio Flyer just his size, so we couldn’t resist. (It’s slightly smaller than the classic Radio Flyer trikes, so his feet actually reach the pedals and the ground, but he still has plenty of room to grow into it, too.) He hijacked our neighbor’s tricycle earlier in the week, so we figured perhaps we ought to get him one to ride out in the court when he plays with the other kids out there in the evenings. And hey, at $25 instead of the regular $60, we couldn’t pass it up! Unfortunately, it’s too hot today to let him go outside on it, so I’ll have to post pictures of him on it next week, assuming we get a cool evening between now and then.

Have a good week, everyone!